tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91289364106971389492012-02-16T07:24:51.182-08:00Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07274235192907103966noreply@blogger.comBlogger11100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9128936410697138949.post-70594705371185346612009-05-19T23:05:00.000-07:002009-08-27T23:37:21.698-07:00Onion Stories<br /><ul><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news/upcoming_date_only_thing_between">Upcoming Date Only Thing Between Area Man, Utter Self-Neglect</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_was_under_the_impression_that">I Was Under The Impression That Everyone Loved My Headlocks</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/point/point_counterpoint_party_vs_whoo">Point: Party! Counterpoint: Whoo! Party!</a><br /></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news/steven_tyler_laid_off_from">Steven Tyler Laid Off From Aerosmith As Band Jobless Rate Hits 20%</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news/national_endowment_for_the_arts">National Endowment For The Arts Funds Construction Of $1.3 Billion Poem</a><br /></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/firefighters_turned_away">Firefighters Turned Away From Exclusive Night Club Blaze</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/special_ops_veteran_slips">Special Ops Veteran Slips Back Into Family Undetected</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/alumni_furious_over_high">Alumni Furious Over High School's Constant Improvements</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/study_not_being_an_asshole">Study: Not Being An Asshole Boss May Boost Employee Morale</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/node/87982">Single Issue Voter: War For The White House Blog</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/scott_bakula_jumps_into">Scott Bakula Jumps Into McCain's Body Just Before Election</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/word_presumptive_prepares">Word 'Presumptive' Prepares For Another 4-Year Hibernation</a><br /></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/palin_brushing_up_on">Palin Brushing Up On Foreign Policy At EPCOT</a><br /></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/poll_85_of_americans_would">Poll: 85% Of Americans Would Like To See Candidates Compete In Funny Obstacle Course</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/report_election_may_come">Report: Election May Come Down To Single Candidate</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/mccain_refusing_to_tell">McCain Refusing To Tell Voters What's In Box Unless Elected</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obamas_record_breaking">Obama's Record-Breaking Fundraising Effort Bankrupting NPR, World Wildlife Fund, ACLU</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/inauguration_crowd_moves_to">Inauguration Crowd Moves To White House Gates To Watch Rest Of Presidency Happen</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/blagojevich_claims_behavior">Blagojevich Claims Behavior Was Just Plot To Surprise Patrick Fitzgerald With Senate Nomination On His Birthday</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/death_withdraws_icy_hand">Death Withdraws Icy Hand From Shoulder Of Caroline Kennedy</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/per_tradition_ex_presidents">Per Tradition, Ex-Presidents Gather To Watch Obamas Christen White House Bed</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/cia_awkwardly_debriefs">CIA Awkwardly Debriefs Obama On Creation Of Crack Cocaine</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/panicked_agriculture">Panicked Agriculture Secretary Momentarily Forgets What Corn Is</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/israeli_pm_debuts_new_road">Israeli PM Unveils New Plan For Continued Strife</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/guant_aacute_namo_detainee">Guantánamo Detainee Ruled Not Mentally Fit To Testify About Psychological Torture</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/machiavellian_white_house">Machiavellian White House Groundskeeper Gaining Influence Among West Wing Staff</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/sotomayor_to_add_ballistics">Sotomayor To Add Ballistics Expertise To Already Deadly Supreme Court</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/afterbirthers_demand_to_see">Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta</a><br /></li></ul>Headlines<br /><ul><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_to_try_its_luck_out_west">Nation To Try Its Luck Out West</a></li><li>New Malcolm Gladwell Book To Painstakingly Explain Why We Have Hands</li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/radio_news/area_kindergartner_tackles">Area Kindergartner Tackles The Shit Out Of Dream Girl (ORN)</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/magazine/our_special_all_paper_salute">MAG: The Green Issue: Preparing For Life In A Barren Hellscape<br /></a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/magazine/we_lose_the_bidding_war_for">MAG: Special Delivery! We Lose The Bidding War For Photos Of Brangelina’s New Twins</a></li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bush_spends_day_feverishly">Bush Spends Day Feverishly Booby-Trapping Desk</a></li><li>Bored Cheney Googles 'Bloodless Coup'</li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obama_under_fire_for">Obama Under Fire For Playing T-Ball During Vietnam</a></li><li>For The Last Time, McCain Fine</li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/zogby_poll_john_zogby">Zogby Poll: John Zogby Coolest Dude In America</a></li><li>Senate Black Caucus Disappears Without Trace<br /></li><li>Bush Concludes Term With Rousing Fiddle Solo</li><li><a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/seymour_hersh_uncovers_new">Seymour Hersh Uncovers New Thing Too Sad To Think About</a></li><li>Weirdo Pundit Taking A Second To Think</li><li>Iranian Democracy Sound, Supreme Leader Reports</li><li>As Per Clinton Agreement, Kim Jong-Il Comes To Retrieve Obama Children<br /></li></ul><p>+ Upcoming Date and Kennedy.</p><p></p><div class="blogger-post-footer"><img width='1' height='1' src='https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/tracker/9128936410697138949-7059470537118534661?l=matthew-morrison-archive.blogspot.com' alt='' /></div>Matthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07274235192907103966noreply@blogger.com